I know what you must be thinking. Its not about running, not about college, neither about friends. Its about my mom. I call her Ayee in Konkani and Marathi Ayee means mom. So why suddenly I am writing today about her. Its not a mothers day, nor her birthday neither my parents anniversary so why in the world today. Just because I felt so likh diya yaar.
I saw many people posting status with their parent calling them their support system, their queen , their wonder women and what not. But what my mom is to me I think I never expressed it to anyone, not even to her. I am not a type of person who wants to put everything in status or insta stories, only in few cases I do. For marathons I put one post for the sake of keeping track or to thank some people who always helped me or to remember some people whom I met in that particular event or else I am not even interested in putting those pics. And on fb if you find some then it will be mostly shared photo from that event page.
Okey now I am moving away from the topic lets get back. Today I just want to write about her. My love for was never same. Me as a person and my love always evolved. Its same like human evaluation where in it improves and keeps on changing at later point of time. It applies same even for my friends, if someone gives me 10% of attention they will definitely get 20% with interest 😉.
Year back my mom got operated for thyroid, before that she was carrying A goiter (GOI-tur) which is an abnormal enlargement of thyroid gland. She carried that almost for 20 years of her life. My dad never wanted to get her operated. No no not because he did not love her or something infect he loves her immensely, its just because in my locality some 3 women lost their life while getting operated for goiter. As a kid I felt always as if it was her mistake (I know I was a fool to think that). In class 5th when my mom came to collect my results my teacher explained me the scientific reason behind it. I was so shocked after that.
When I was a kid we had a joint family where in my aunts and uncles would stay together, that time I was taught that I should always respect my dad, yup I did respect him a lot and loved him a lot, for every daughter I think her first super hero is her dad, if I did something wrong my mom would always say "I will tell to your dad" this automatically mad me take dad seriously and mom for granted but I never knew ed her worth till I grew up to 16 yrs of old. This is one of the thing as Indian we are doing wrong I guess.
I was one of the brat, she loved me abundantly but I could never understand her love(I feel ashamed of myself now). If any chapati gets burnt or anything gets spoiled while cooking for me she would keep aside for her and give me the fresh one which was obviously un burnt and cooked at its best(My little heart felt as if it was her duty to have burnt and spoiled food). Once during Ganesh Chaturthi whole kadayee of lady finger sabji got burnt and in front of everyone I said "my mom will eat don't worry" everyone laughed at my stupid joke including my mom but I am sure she did felt humiliated from inside (I really feels idiot of myself of even thinking this).
I would get lot of beating from her for being rude or misbehaving in the school, teachers would always complain about me and my behavior, as my dad had his office she was the only one who had to handle all this, This was the reason she had put a rule saying "whatever happens in school you are going to end it in school " so yes it had become a rule whatever happens in school ends in school and whatever happens at home ends at home.
According to my all aunts and relatives she is the "deity of love and peace" they always say her nature is like a cow(cow has lot of respect in Hindu religion and cow is one of the animal who would suffer quietly without any word). Yes she was saint all the time but when it comes to me she would become Kali Maa because I tested all her patience. Whenever she would come to feed me with a plate in hand I would run away, always out of the house playing with kids, never ever allowed her to oil my hair. I remember climbing on the tree and sitting there till she goes away, hiding on a tree so that she could never find me, hiding in such a places which would make her worry so much. Once I tore her saree as well which was her rakshabandhan gift.
She cried so many times in front of me because I was unable to handle. Everyday before going to school I would complain and fight with her for not tying my plaits properly. I had really long and dense hair which would make her work more tedious to comb and make 2 plaits of it. She did each and every bloody thing for me, she would fast for me do pooja arti what not, she never wanted to see me sad and on other hand me like an idiot could never ever understand her, always thought she might be getting something because of which she is doing all this, She had lot of medical history and issues because of which she was hospitalized multiple times, this was the only time I would feel sad for her may be because I was dependent on her.
Every time I fought with her some or the other thing would happen to me, I would fall while riding cycle or get hurt or some or the other thing which would make me realize I am doing something wrong.
I guess I attained some amount of maturity when I reached 11th standard. I could understand her selfless love for me. I could understand her as a person, also I could find my friend in her. I was able to discuss my problems with her more openly then just fight and arguments. Although due to my dads teaching I never demanded any thing which was out of their bounds but she would make sure I get everything. In my 11th standard I came across this book Shamchi Ayee by Sane Guruji, Its one of the epic book for a child and mother relation I read that book 3 times back to back and for all 3 times I cried like baby nope not for Shyam or his mom, but for my mom for all the trouble I gave her, for all the torture she faced because of me, for all of the times I made her feel uncomfortable. That book is in my shelf and I don't want to touch it because if I read that book all memories and hardship which I gave to my mom comes back to me and make me feel so miserable that I feel I cannot forgive me.
Her world started around me and ended around me, Even tough she was sick she made sure I woke up early for studies, always made sure I take home made food instead of junk , although I was craving always for junk. As a mom she put her best in her way but as a kid what did I do? Did I even make her happy? Am I with her now? while writing this tears are rolling my chicks thinking what am I doing in my life? She is the epitome of love and simplicity, even my neighbor wood kids get attached to her like she has some fevi quick but me as a kid always ran away from her, I wish time rolls back to 25 years back and I allow her to kiss me, I allow her to hug me and feed me whatever she wants to, I allow her to oil my hair and just not run making her breathless, I allow her to sleep besides me, I allow her to comb my hair and put those 2 tiny plaits however she wants and I allow her to just relax, time flies away real fast. Today I am 27 yrs away from home for 4 years, Yup I always wanted to be independent but not missing my parents. I wanted to be independent as soon as possible so that they don't spend on me and they save for them. Now, only when I go home back I can talk with her endlessly and sleep besides her hugging her.
If you are thinking she is just one phone call away or I can do a video chat then let me tell you she is not a person who will talk endlessly on phone, she will talk just for 2 minutes, she is that category of a person who has allergy with phone and talking on phone. Her talk would start with what did you eat today whether you are fine and done, then phone is handed over to my dad, she does not like talking on phone that much, when she is face to face she can talk endlessly, we spend nights just talking and talking when I am home but when it comes to phone call I really don't know what happens to her.
After college I always felt bad when I saw FB posts of my friends having get together or meet ups(Obviously because I was missing there). BTW college friends were the only friends I had till I passed out of college. But then she was the one who would always say why you need any friend when I am there and yes she was correct. I could never find such a sweet and charming friend, would never find a person who was interested in everything(she sings, goes for all the events and interested in each and every thing whatever you tell her), I would have never found a person who had a sweet voice. I think its best to make your parents as your best friend not because they raised you but because they will not expect anything from you, they will not expect any competition, will not expect you to remember their birthday or anniversaries, will not taunt you and make you feel miserable, will always make you feel you are the best, they are the ones who would help you in accomplishing your goals, they are the ones who would always stand behind you in your ups and downs. In the world of social media its easy to send a request and accept a request but hard to find people who really understands you, you will find N number of people who will judge you for no reason but hard to find people who will really love you immensely.
Parents think kids grows so fast but here I am thinking they grow so fast, whenever I go home back I can see those tiered eyes, I can see those wrinkles around their eyes growing more dense, I could see amount of grey hair more then last time. I Can see less of enthusiasm or I dont know if I just feel this. I hope both remain healthy through their life, I want to be with them when they are growing old, My mom is already 55 plus and dad 65 plus. I want to be with them and enjoy their old age but stuck here in the vicious circle of corporate world. Don't know whether I will able to come out of this or not, actual reason is I want to give them everything but don't know whether I will able to, Some of my colleagues have got their parents with them. I don't know whether I can get them here because they are more comfortable back there in Goa, they have their kind of people with whom they can share everything. I can adjust anywhere unless someone does not get over my soul, but for them its always their type of people, I just don't want to get them out of their comfort zone in their old age. She always gave me more priority then my sisters. Whenever her topic comes up I get more santy not because she loved me immensely but just because of my lack of ability to pay back that love. I know it will not be possible in this life to repay her love but I wish I could at least be with them and spend most of my time with them.
May god bless them with the healthiest life ever, I am not asking for wealth because they never thought wealth was that important. I don't know when will I make them feel really proud. People of my age are taking their parents on international trips and me struggling to take them around India.
For every child their dad is Super Hero and mom Wonder Women / Wonder chef , but for me they are normal people with super hero abilities, they gave their everything and best they could in parenting. I was raised keeping in mind our financial status. It was smart idea of my dad to make me aware of each and every penny spent on me, because of which I could understand where I need to stop asking for or find other alternative.
Once she said it to me you will not understand it now you will only understand once you become a mom and I think she is right we take our parents so much for granted. Why do parents grow so fast and why do we grow so fast. There are so many things to achieve but feels time is so bloody less.
I saw many people posting status with their parent calling them their support system, their queen , their wonder women and what not. But what my mom is to me I think I never expressed it to anyone, not even to her. I am not a type of person who wants to put everything in status or insta stories, only in few cases I do. For marathons I put one post for the sake of keeping track or to thank some people who always helped me or to remember some people whom I met in that particular event or else I am not even interested in putting those pics. And on fb if you find some then it will be mostly shared photo from that event page.
Okey now I am moving away from the topic lets get back. Today I just want to write about her. My love for was never same. Me as a person and my love always evolved. Its same like human evaluation where in it improves and keeps on changing at later point of time. It applies same even for my friends, if someone gives me 10% of attention they will definitely get 20% with interest 😉.
Year back my mom got operated for thyroid, before that she was carrying A goiter (GOI-tur) which is an abnormal enlargement of thyroid gland. She carried that almost for 20 years of her life. My dad never wanted to get her operated. No no not because he did not love her or something infect he loves her immensely, its just because in my locality some 3 women lost their life while getting operated for goiter. As a kid I felt always as if it was her mistake (I know I was a fool to think that). In class 5th when my mom came to collect my results my teacher explained me the scientific reason behind it. I was so shocked after that.
When I was a kid we had a joint family where in my aunts and uncles would stay together, that time I was taught that I should always respect my dad, yup I did respect him a lot and loved him a lot, for every daughter I think her first super hero is her dad, if I did something wrong my mom would always say "I will tell to your dad" this automatically mad me take dad seriously and mom for granted but I never knew ed her worth till I grew up to 16 yrs of old. This is one of the thing as Indian we are doing wrong I guess.
I was one of the brat, she loved me abundantly but I could never understand her love(I feel ashamed of myself now). If any chapati gets burnt or anything gets spoiled while cooking for me she would keep aside for her and give me the fresh one which was obviously un burnt and cooked at its best(My little heart felt as if it was her duty to have burnt and spoiled food). Once during Ganesh Chaturthi whole kadayee of lady finger sabji got burnt and in front of everyone I said "my mom will eat don't worry" everyone laughed at my stupid joke including my mom but I am sure she did felt humiliated from inside (I really feels idiot of myself of even thinking this).
I would get lot of beating from her for being rude or misbehaving in the school, teachers would always complain about me and my behavior, as my dad had his office she was the only one who had to handle all this, This was the reason she had put a rule saying "whatever happens in school you are going to end it in school " so yes it had become a rule whatever happens in school ends in school and whatever happens at home ends at home.
According to my all aunts and relatives she is the "deity of love and peace" they always say her nature is like a cow(cow has lot of respect in Hindu religion and cow is one of the animal who would suffer quietly without any word). Yes she was saint all the time but when it comes to me she would become Kali Maa because I tested all her patience. Whenever she would come to feed me with a plate in hand I would run away, always out of the house playing with kids, never ever allowed her to oil my hair. I remember climbing on the tree and sitting there till she goes away, hiding on a tree so that she could never find me, hiding in such a places which would make her worry so much. Once I tore her saree as well which was her rakshabandhan gift.
She cried so many times in front of me because I was unable to handle. Everyday before going to school I would complain and fight with her for not tying my plaits properly. I had really long and dense hair which would make her work more tedious to comb and make 2 plaits of it. She did each and every bloody thing for me, she would fast for me do pooja arti what not, she never wanted to see me sad and on other hand me like an idiot could never ever understand her, always thought she might be getting something because of which she is doing all this, She had lot of medical history and issues because of which she was hospitalized multiple times, this was the only time I would feel sad for her may be because I was dependent on her.
Every time I fought with her some or the other thing would happen to me, I would fall while riding cycle or get hurt or some or the other thing which would make me realize I am doing something wrong.
I guess I attained some amount of maturity when I reached 11th standard. I could understand her selfless love for me. I could understand her as a person, also I could find my friend in her. I was able to discuss my problems with her more openly then just fight and arguments. Although due to my dads teaching I never demanded any thing which was out of their bounds but she would make sure I get everything. In my 11th standard I came across this book Shamchi Ayee by Sane Guruji, Its one of the epic book for a child and mother relation I read that book 3 times back to back and for all 3 times I cried like baby nope not for Shyam or his mom, but for my mom for all the trouble I gave her, for all the torture she faced because of me, for all of the times I made her feel uncomfortable. That book is in my shelf and I don't want to touch it because if I read that book all memories and hardship which I gave to my mom comes back to me and make me feel so miserable that I feel I cannot forgive me.
Her world started around me and ended around me, Even tough she was sick she made sure I woke up early for studies, always made sure I take home made food instead of junk , although I was craving always for junk. As a mom she put her best in her way but as a kid what did I do? Did I even make her happy? Am I with her now? while writing this tears are rolling my chicks thinking what am I doing in my life? She is the epitome of love and simplicity, even my neighbor wood kids get attached to her like she has some fevi quick but me as a kid always ran away from her, I wish time rolls back to 25 years back and I allow her to kiss me, I allow her to hug me and feed me whatever she wants to, I allow her to oil my hair and just not run making her breathless, I allow her to sleep besides me, I allow her to comb my hair and put those 2 tiny plaits however she wants and I allow her to just relax, time flies away real fast. Today I am 27 yrs away from home for 4 years, Yup I always wanted to be independent but not missing my parents. I wanted to be independent as soon as possible so that they don't spend on me and they save for them. Now, only when I go home back I can talk with her endlessly and sleep besides her hugging her.
If you are thinking she is just one phone call away or I can do a video chat then let me tell you she is not a person who will talk endlessly on phone, she will talk just for 2 minutes, she is that category of a person who has allergy with phone and talking on phone. Her talk would start with what did you eat today whether you are fine and done, then phone is handed over to my dad, she does not like talking on phone that much, when she is face to face she can talk endlessly, we spend nights just talking and talking when I am home but when it comes to phone call I really don't know what happens to her.
After college I always felt bad when I saw FB posts of my friends having get together or meet ups(Obviously because I was missing there). BTW college friends were the only friends I had till I passed out of college. But then she was the one who would always say why you need any friend when I am there and yes she was correct. I could never find such a sweet and charming friend, would never find a person who was interested in everything(she sings, goes for all the events and interested in each and every thing whatever you tell her), I would have never found a person who had a sweet voice. I think its best to make your parents as your best friend not because they raised you but because they will not expect anything from you, they will not expect any competition, will not expect you to remember their birthday or anniversaries, will not taunt you and make you feel miserable, will always make you feel you are the best, they are the ones who would help you in accomplishing your goals, they are the ones who would always stand behind you in your ups and downs. In the world of social media its easy to send a request and accept a request but hard to find people who really understands you, you will find N number of people who will judge you for no reason but hard to find people who will really love you immensely.
Parents think kids grows so fast but here I am thinking they grow so fast, whenever I go home back I can see those tiered eyes, I can see those wrinkles around their eyes growing more dense, I could see amount of grey hair more then last time. I Can see less of enthusiasm or I dont know if I just feel this. I hope both remain healthy through their life, I want to be with them when they are growing old, My mom is already 55 plus and dad 65 plus. I want to be with them and enjoy their old age but stuck here in the vicious circle of corporate world. Don't know whether I will able to come out of this or not, actual reason is I want to give them everything but don't know whether I will able to, Some of my colleagues have got their parents with them. I don't know whether I can get them here because they are more comfortable back there in Goa, they have their kind of people with whom they can share everything. I can adjust anywhere unless someone does not get over my soul, but for them its always their type of people, I just don't want to get them out of their comfort zone in their old age. She always gave me more priority then my sisters. Whenever her topic comes up I get more santy not because she loved me immensely but just because of my lack of ability to pay back that love. I know it will not be possible in this life to repay her love but I wish I could at least be with them and spend most of my time with them.
May god bless them with the healthiest life ever, I am not asking for wealth because they never thought wealth was that important. I don't know when will I make them feel really proud. People of my age are taking their parents on international trips and me struggling to take them around India.
For every child their dad is Super Hero and mom Wonder Women / Wonder chef , but for me they are normal people with super hero abilities, they gave their everything and best they could in parenting. I was raised keeping in mind our financial status. It was smart idea of my dad to make me aware of each and every penny spent on me, because of which I could understand where I need to stop asking for or find other alternative.
Once she said it to me you will not understand it now you will only understand once you become a mom and I think she is right we take our parents so much for granted. Why do parents grow so fast and why do we grow so fast. There are so many things to achieve but feels time is so bloody less.
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